Women and Autism - My Musings

Diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome (an Autism Spectrum Disorder) three years ago, I chose to embark on a collaborative art project to explore the issues around ‘women and autism’, which I’ve covered here in ‘Women and Autism - A Collaborative Artistic Partnership’. As I’ve learnt more about the condition over the years, I’ve noticed considerable gender differences in perceptions of autism; its presentation and coping strategies between men and women – to the point where women are often misdiagnosed or undiagnosed with autism. I’ve questioned this considerably and the reasons behind it. I feel there’s certainly an increase in recognition in this field of thought, especially from those already with a fair degree of autism awareness - but not so much beyond it. For beyond it still lies a more outdated and stereotypical image of the autistic male. An update and restart are needed.

I’ve summarised my musings in my exploration to consider and understand issues around ‘women and autism’ in a piece of creative writing, with the text transcribed out below the image.

“Men. Why is autism so different in men than in women? Or is it…? Why is the male ‘form’ the accepted norm? the one where people have this ‘aha’ moment and realise that ‘yes sure, I’ve heard of this Autism business!’ and they revert back to TV shows and films. ‘Atypical’ and What’s eating Gilbert Grape’. The media conveying a one-sided view of what is. And-how-it-is. And yet missing out on what oh-so-isn’t… why is Autism so much more apparent and ‘obvious’ in men? We have a subtler presentation they say. But the most dismissive comment of all: ‘Oooh, but you don’t look (how does one look autistic anyway?) autistic.’ How dare you. a compliment you meant? Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t realise that disregarding who I am and my total being is a compliment. For ‘so what’ if I’m autistic? Poor me…? An all cast set of male actors. Who are unlikely autistic, playing autistic men. In Science, Maths, Psychology. Historically. White men. All making inferences, studies, research, analysis – on Autism. What could they know? Or wish to consider about in female autistics? ‘Autism is Autism’ they say. Why are we misdiagnosed? Misunderstood. Undiagnosed. Why are we still playing catch-up with men? Every field. Yes, it’s unfair, blah, yes. But it’s not a whining point. If women are not being diagnosed, or misdiagnosed, their Autism is not being picked up on. Then this is a very serious point. And a subtler ‘presentation’ doesn’t mean we’re not struggling. That it’s not valid. That it’s less of an issue. That we can somehow seamlessly cope with it, because ‘we don’t look it’! We’re often over-compensating. And that’s hard work! The exhaustion, harshness, loudness, brightness. We feel this. Separate. A cultural gap. Initially misinterpreted as shy. Because women are more likely, at a societal level, to be considered shy… Bollocks. Gender differences. I am of course more than a label. More. But at the same time, this label can be helpful: liberating and empowering. And autistic women shouldn’t be left out here. Leave no-one behind they say. Well mean it.”

And it’s not just ‘women and autism’ that is the issue here either. For there are the differences that exist at a cultural and ethnic level. I’m discovering this more and more as I meet different people from the spectrum here in New York; all of whom have their various backgrounds and histories. Different school systems and state support. And the discussion and musings continue.

What are your views, if any, on ‘women and autism’? I’d be happy to hear to hear from you.

Women and Autism - A Collaborative Artistic Partnership

Interested in the theme of ‘Women and Autism’ and my desire to collaborate with autistic artists, I set out a proposal to New Jersey-based arts organisation Arts Unbound. I wanted to run a collaborative arts project that would involve group discussions, creative exploration and practical participation with each artist being asked to work with, and respond to the other artists’ approach, ideologies and physical work. The overall aim was to test the limits of collaborative working amongst those with autism, and to cross-pollinate the various layers of each individual’s creative visions and working methods - with the results to then be exhibited in a collaborative group exhibition. Exciting stuff!

Why ‘Women and Autism’ as the theme? Well, historically it was thought that women were less likely to be autistic than men, however recent research has highlighted the challenges in identifying autism in women. It is now recognised from research, clinical practice and anecdotal reports that many autistic females, or those who demonstrate the less traditionally obvious traits of autism, are simply not recognised. This can result in misdiagnosis, late diagnosis, or women not being diagnosed at all. As an autistic woman myself who was diagnosed in adulthood, I am also interested in the challenges faced by other autistic women and the perception of autism in women as a whole.

Arts Unbound put up a ‘call-out’ to female artists on the autistic spectrum, who were diagnosed in adulthood, to take part in the workshops. Regrettably we could only find one artist happy to partake, but still decided to go ahead and to run the project as a collaborative partnership. With hindsight, this actually worked very well! I took away a lot of learnings from the process and realised that there’s a lot to manage when running such a workshop. After running these two sessions, I feel a lot more confident, and have a far better idea of what works well - and conversely less so.

Maybellene working on a word association task

Session one: me working away on a task

Work in progress

My participant in the project, Maybelline Gonzalez (@MsMaybellene), is a very talented artist from New York, who works primarily in collage. Maybelline and I met on two occasions and I orchestrated discussions around the following questions and topics:

• Do you feel that autism is perceived or recognised as a ‘male’ condition?
• It is often said that the differences autistic women experience is of a subtler presentation, or may appear so to others. How do you feel about this? 
• Some autistic women feel that they are masking their autism to try and hide the fact that they feel different. Do you feel you mask your autism?
• As women, we are often told that we don’t ‘look’ or ‘seem’ autistic. Have your experienced this? 
• With less ‘obvious’ autistic traits, do you feel you have to prove yourself as being autistic?  
• What would we like to tell the world about being autistic and female?

Session two: Maybellene working on a collage piece

Each discussion was interjected by an arts-based activity that was collaborative in nature. For instance: a word association task based on our discussions; a collage summarising a particular feeling we experience; or abstract mark-marking to depict our difficulties in being autistic.

Collaborative text exercise exploring our own narratives within the context of ‘Women and Autism’

Creating a collaborative collage to explore the feeling of overwhelm and the consequent exhaustion we both experience

The discussions were truly fascinating as I considered aspects of autism and women that I previously hadn’t thought of before, for example, by considering the history of who has previously been studying autism; i.e. men. Maybelline’s experiences also fed into my own; both different yet completely relatable. The collaboration enabled me to think in different directions to my own.

An art piece created reflecting on the theme of ‘Women and Autism’ - first half

An art piece created reflecting on the theme of ‘Women and Autism’ - completed!

Overall, the process of collaborating, for me, was incredible. I felt this really came together in the second session once we’d started producing work together. At times it was nerve-wracking: to hand over/let the other person complete/add to your art work. However, once I’d allowed this to happen and for the trust to form, the outcome was remarkable. To create a shared vision in collaboration with another person was a very powerful feeling and something I would certainly like to try again. Going forwards, I’ll be creating more art works around collage – a medium that Maybellene uses – and effectively keeping our collaborative efforts going.

Our work forms part of the ‘Coaction’ exhibition which is currently being shown at the Dora Stein Gallery, Arts Unbound in New Jersey. If you’re in the area, please pop in and visit! 😊

Arts Unbound in New Jersey

'Women and Autism' - part of the 'Coaction' group exhibition at the Dora Stein Gallery - Image 1

'Women and Autism' - part of the 'Coaction' group exhibition at the Dora Stein Gallery - Image 2

'Women and Autism' - part of the 'Coaction' group exhibition at the Dora Stein Gallery - Image 3

Transitions – A New Collection of Work

I’ve been working on a new series of paintings while in New York, entitled ‘Transitions’. They’ve been produced at my shared studio space that I have at Con Artist Collective, where I’ve also taken part in a group residency show. But what are the paintings about and what was the thought-process behind them? I use this blog as an opportunity to run over the background behind the abstract mark-making.

Inspiration initially started when I spent time in Colombia and experienced first-hand the Venezuelan refugee crisis. Daily, I saw more and more people arriving into the city of Medellin - well over a thousand kilometres away from Venezuela. The mounting horrendity of it all. Overbearing. It got me thinking about movement, changes, leaving home and displacement as a whole. I still haven’t found the right art venture to project my thoughts on the matter, but the situation had me contemplating fluxes in life in general, as I reflected on my own life and the human condition - and ultimately what we all have in common.

Notoriously, we’re all creatures of habits and we don’t often like the disruption of change, especially when imposed on oneself. I explored this with shapes in abstract form and what this resistance would look like through a series of sketches. And then I explored the opposite: natural, seamless transitions taking place – and what this looks like when abstracted into a less literal form.

Painting in the Con Artist Collective studio

Working on Transitions, layer by layer...

Change ultimately happens to all of us; life ensues, things change, it moves, flows, and will continue to do so. And as much as we’re creatures of habits – we’re social creatures too, and we create opportunities through interactions. We’re connected. Each and every one of us. And so we set intentions. Make plans. Our energy is put out into the world. As we set out each day and the sun keeps our time. And of course, the universe, or otherwise, has plans for us.

A lot has changed for me over the last year. Geographically, I’ve been making my way up through the Americas; from South to Central to North America. My relationship to my diagnosis of Asperger’s syndrome has changed. It imbues more of my being, as I’ve come to accept it – and even become empowered by it. It’s a part of my identity. Though from birth, but also just 3 years ago. My understanding of Autism has changed, and I’m aware of issues around gender and minority groups, and those in these groups that are undiagnosed or misdiagnosed. I’m learning more and more. My style of work has changed. The colours, brushstrokes, approach and general inspirations, as I continue to be influenced by those around me and my general environment.

A montage of the final 6 paintings that form 'Transitions'

These new paintings explore the subtle changes of transformation taking place; these little quirks and nuances that occur gradually. To those greater changes in life. Each painting has been built-up over a number of layers and you can see the colours and lines come through them, as you carefully look on. Changes themselves have taken place within each painting. You can see line, shape, form and colour coming through, and this felt important to capture. The upbeat and vibrant palette is a note and reflection that as human beings, we tend to have a position disposition - whether we believe this about ourselves or not. During hardships and tough times, we often look back and consider the learnings made; what we’ve gained, how our experiences have shaped us. And how we’ll cope better next time. We stock up.

Exhibiting Transitions I and II at the fall residency exhibition in New York

There’s also a great deal of rhythm and rhyme which can be viewed and felt within the paintings. Movement. The black lines show this as they weave in and out; in front of and behind the scenes of life. There are stops and starts. Sometimes it’s stilted. It’s not what we expected. But we keep on. On our path. For come what may. Such is the human spirit. For transitions are here.

If you’d like to see each painting in more detail, please visit the gallery page: https://www.mahliaamatina.com/art-gallery

NYC: A Neurodiverse Perspective

Every city is different from a neurodiverse point of view. And this can vary day-by-day, mood by mood, street by street. In this blog post, I’ll run over my observations on how I’m finding New York as a city to live in. 

From a sensory perspective, NYC, surprise surprise, is a very LOUD city. This is something I’ve noticed over and above *anything* else. Its complete and utter assault to my eardrums, are like no other.  Horns honking. The train wheels screeching. But mostly the sirens from emergency vehicles. It’s like nothing I’ve heard before and seems to defy all logic – and sound barriers for that matter. And it’s constant. Even now after a few weeks of being here, I still jump and clench within myself, as the sound jars inside me, as I wait for it to simmer down. My body feels constantly shocked.

An example of an offending emergency vehicle

Normally I’m most sensitive to lights; their intensity in brightness and anything that flashes repeatedly or in a dance or strobe-style mode. And though the lights here are bright, I’ve seen far worse in Colombia. Here they’re just of a ‘normal’ brightness, (whatever that means these days). Surprisingly. I am deliberately avoiding the central mid-town area of Manhattan where you have the likes of Times Square and ample shops (no need to put myself through that!), so at least my eyes are being spared. The smells aren’t too intense either. I used to find in Colombia and Guatemala, the smell of food would dependably be in the streets, with vendors cooking food items from scratch. The aromas taking up the air space. Or other smells like shoe polish and other such chemicals. Here, it’s more in line with the UK’s ‘smell levels’.

Downtown Manhattan. Heavily build up. Also an area I normally try to avoid!

Like many large cities, New York is intense. Super intense. It can be hard to plan your day if you need to travel and get about by public transport. Trains are often delayed. The direction and stops are not clearly labelled - and then it’s not uncommon to find a station which shares its name with another station stop. Not helpful when you find yourself at the wrong ‘version’ of the station you’re supposed to be at! This is not much fun, and you really have to accept this and learn to plan in large margins into your time for lateness.

When you’re trying to cross a road, there’s a red counter that counts down the number of seconds you have left until the cars are unleashed to continue their ride. I know it’s like this in many cities, but given the size of the road to cross, this can be immensely anxiety-provoking. It’s not just one or two lanes of traffic coming at you either – but around four or five! This can feel quite disorientating. And stressful. I just find myself waiting a lot.

6 lanes of traffic to contend with!

The countdown to cross the road begins…

The interesting thing, however, is that because there’s so much space everywhere, it doesn’t feel quite so overwhelming. Or certainly not to the extent I expected it to be. The streets here are huge; for instance the sidewalk (yes, pavement!) can often be as wide as an entire road in the UK. In this respect, it just doesn’t feel as concentrated in its overall sense of overwhelming force. Another consequence is that it doesn’t feel overly busy either. There are lots of people, sure, but you’re never really bumping into them, as there’s enough space to not have to do so. It’s a contrast to Broad Street in Reading, where you’re constantly having to avoid doing so!

So, every city is different, and New York varies a lot for me, but here’s a snapshot to give you my general impression. Until the next blog post! 😉

NYC: Touch-down in Brooklyn, Part II

I’ve been here a little longer now and beginning to settle in. I’m navigating my way around the city better and due to the project work I’m doing here in terms of the workshops, studio work, visiting galleries and meeting autistic artists - I’m getting to see quite a bit of the city. Which, when I’m not getting lost – is lovely!

So. I’m in New York; this great, amazing city - part of America, this *mighty* land - yet it doesn’t feel so ‘great’ at times… and this is something that’s been gnawing away at me each day since arriving. It comes to me in bursts. Little things that continually get me thinking that living standards aren’t so fantastic here. I mean this at a personal level by the way, for your average American - or businesses and large corporation - the story is very different. And these are my comparisons to the UK/Western Europe.

Firstly, people don’t seem to have as many rights here. I mean their private healthcare system lends itself to its very own blog post, but I’m also referring to consumer rights and employment law. Their maternity pay and leave is minimal, and holidays aren’t easy to come by. I thought the UK had a minute number of public holidays! And you can totally forget about minimum pay here. And other basic rights: if you’re fired, you’re fired. And even though you’re paying private healthcare insurance, not everything is covered. For instance, you still have to pay for a mammogram (in the hundreds) or to give birth (in the thousands). How does that figure…?

In terms of consumer law, there’s a real lack of price transparency, and I’m noticing this a lot when I do my grocery shopping. You have to be really careful not to get ripped off! There are a lot of small, local, grocery stores. And often goods aren’t labelled in price. And where they are, you still have to check that it’s being priced through correctly at the till. It’s also really normal for my local greengrocer to change its prices on almost a daily basis – as it is for me to be charged $2.50 for a pepper, instead of the $1.50. And yes, that is the price for one pepper! Food is considerably more expensive here – and this is taking into account the not-so-favourable exchange rate. But you want to hear the worst of it? It goes off really quickly! Apparently, food standards overall are considerably lower than in Europe and in terms of the lack of price transparency – this is excused by saying that you weren’t ‘forced’ to buy the product and that you always had a choice in the matter. And no, you can certainly not get a refund easily(!)

Yes, the infamous $1.50 pepper, which I was initially charged $2.50 for

Another aspect, is the fact that it’s really uncommon to have a dishwasher, washing machine and dryer (or at least adequate outdoor space to dry your clothes) in your apartment. Now, I’m not against going to a launderette in any way – my last art project was all about washing, after all! But by not having these utilities, and with food shopping being that much more difficult – it takes up a lot of your time. Time away from leisure and relaxation. And surely that’s a sign in itself of lower living standards? It’s odd, it feels like we’re back in the 90s or thereabouts; a real drop that I just didn’t anticipate.

With no dishwasher, the washing up gloves are always at the ready! 

And yes, the food portions are notoriously huge. But why though? And why in New York, a more progressive state? And why so, more importantly, when people can’t and don’t finish them?! It makes you continue to pick at your plate when you’re far past the point of being full, and then you end up carrying a doggy-bag around with you for the rest of the evening. Smaller portions (healthier and more manageable) while charging slightly less (better for the consumer and the business wouldn’t lose out) being the solution? It’s an interesting one and will continue to plague me for the rest of my time here, I’m sure!

So, these have been my latest nit-picks as I continue to get to grips with the city! It’s a busy time, and I’ll speak more about the work that I’ve been doing in my next blog posts – I just didn’t want these initial impressions to become the norm, and for me to then forget about them!

Do stay in touch on social media too by the way through my handle @mahliaamatina – I’m posting most days on what I’m up to and continued observations on this fascinating city! Thanks for reading 😊