Farewell, New York! My Goodbye Letter to you...

Dear New York,

It’s been 3 months, and like all good things, they must come to an end. You’ve been kind to me. I can give you that. Your people have helped me, when I’ve needed it. Not saying they always knew which direction a subway train was going in, but they’ve tried. You’ve certainly enabled me to do my work here, as you’re a city of artistic glory. A beating hub. A magnet with monumental pull. You attract talent from all over this Earth to come and ‘make it’ here. The American dream and all that comes with it. I’ve seen talent like no other. A congregation like no other. I’ve met so many artists, in particular autistic ones, which is exactly what I hoped for. It’s been amazing to see what type of spaces you have available to us. The support. I feel honoured to have visited all the galleries and pop-up spaces. To see the amazing street art beckon at me from across the sidewalk. There’s always a surprising message. For everyone has something to say in New York! For that’s what you attract, what you provoke. And freedom of speech is what you give the people. I likened the city to an artist platform; an outlet for souls with a message to the world. I hope you get heard amongst the din.

Art in unexpected places

 

Andy Warhol exhibition at the Whitney Museum - a favourite

For all the great things, come the shortfalls. Race is tense, at times. You can feel it on the surface bubbling away: how quickly people can become provoked and then how suddenly sides are taken. Even over a seemingly innocent exchange. The heat rises fast. And that’s not just the humidity of the summer heat we’re talking about. Your past is recent. People remember. The stories are unfolding and finally being told. It’s been fascinating and horrendous to learn about.

There’s a great deal of poverty and that has made me sad. The subway holds up the homeless who ride from one dead end to another. The trains can smell of sick, faeces and rotten food. It’s quite gross. But we’re all so dependent on the subway. For A-B we must go. The homeless prevails, as with many cities, large and small, around the world. I know it’s complex, so I won’t say too much on the topic, but rest assured I’ve acknowledged the issue.

The New York shoreline as the sun begins to set...

New York marathon: the most incredible event I've seen, bringing together all communities of people, in one giant street party :)

The healthcare insurance is something I think I’ll never get over. I felt like I was going back to the stone ages. I didn’t realise that not everything is covered by it and how expensive it can be. It’s the difference between surviving or not. Break or lose. Such a lottery. Yet it’s a basic human right! For any country and person. I view the NHS with completely new lens now. it’s not perfect, sure, but it’s there for you. For everyone. Like it or loathe it.

Which gave way to me thinking that you feel a little like a third world country. As I came to learn more, I understood about the lack of food safety standards and laws that the food industry abides by. Or lack of. Ps – I didn’t like your food. It was expensive and often of poor quality. And not yummy. It felt like a game of hit and miss. And I don’t like that when it comes to my basic need. Your employment rights aren’t great either. Women have less rights compared with men – just look at the maternity leave one gets. It ain’t on…

Bushwick Street Art

The vibrant streets of New York

Yet everyone wants to come and live here. Why, New York..? I was constantly gobsmacked. Sure, it’s a fun and exciting city - great for a holiday. But to live here? Yes, if you’re rich. But that applies to anywhere in the world. Yet a large proportion of people in your city are struggling. It feels like you’re at melting point. Many are living illegally. Expired visas and all that jazz. Some never have one! These stories are not uncommon, and many people work without papers. You shocked me when I first arrived, but I soon became desensitised. For it’s so tricky to come and work in the States, that it’s quite normal to find alternative ways to be.

You’re like this façade. A façade of glory that you present to the world. Yet underneath you’re rotting away. The branding is sensational, and it holds you up. But underneath you’re failing. Collapsing. How long will it take…? I feel it’s happened so slowly, gradually, that you haven’t realised it yourself. It comes down to outsiders to tell you this. But what if you’re not in New York? What if you’re in a town which is rural and far from the external influences of the world? Well, the word opiates probably means a lot to you for starters. for opiate addiction is on the rise in parts of the States. And that’s a whole other blog and a half, but it’s been happening for some time now, and what does that say about the future of the country? The Government shutdown is nearing the end of the third week as I write this. The Wall and Trump scare me in equal measures.

The amazing murals which would suddenly appear... and then there's the insane '6-layer-parking' dotted around the city

People love New York and are drawn to it. A real magnet...

New York, New York. You’ve given me a lot to consider and ponder. And I can assure you that I’m never going to forget you. You astound me, and I will always follow you - from afar. Thank you for the experience. Thank you for the learnings. Please take care. I hope you get the investment and care you need.

With love,

Mahlia x

Me in my shared studio space at Con Artist Collective

Women and Autism - My Musings

Diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome (an Autism Spectrum Disorder) three years ago, I chose to embark on a collaborative art project to explore the issues around ‘women and autism’, which I’ve covered here in ‘Women and Autism - A Collaborative Artistic Partnership’. As I’ve learnt more about the condition over the years, I’ve noticed considerable gender differences in perceptions of autism; its presentation and coping strategies between men and women – to the point where women are often misdiagnosed or undiagnosed with autism. I’ve questioned this considerably and the reasons behind it. I feel there’s certainly an increase in recognition in this field of thought, especially from those already with a fair degree of autism awareness - but not so much beyond it. For beyond it still lies a more outdated and stereotypical image of the autistic male. An update and restart are needed.

I’ve summarised my musings in my exploration to consider and understand issues around ‘women and autism’ in a piece of creative writing, with the text transcribed out below the image.

“Men. Why is autism so different in men than in women? Or is it…? Why is the male ‘form’ the accepted norm? the one where people have this ‘aha’ moment and realise that ‘yes sure, I’ve heard of this Autism business!’ and they revert back to TV shows and films. ‘Atypical’ and What’s eating Gilbert Grape’. The media conveying a one-sided view of what is. And-how-it-is. And yet missing out on what oh-so-isn’t… why is Autism so much more apparent and ‘obvious’ in men? We have a subtler presentation they say. But the most dismissive comment of all: ‘Oooh, but you don’t look (how does one look autistic anyway?) autistic.’ How dare you. a compliment you meant? Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t realise that disregarding who I am and my total being is a compliment. For ‘so what’ if I’m autistic? Poor me…? An all cast set of male actors. Who are unlikely autistic, playing autistic men. In Science, Maths, Psychology. Historically. White men. All making inferences, studies, research, analysis – on Autism. What could they know? Or wish to consider about in female autistics? ‘Autism is Autism’ they say. Why are we misdiagnosed? Misunderstood. Undiagnosed. Why are we still playing catch-up with men? Every field. Yes, it’s unfair, blah, yes. But it’s not a whining point. If women are not being diagnosed, or misdiagnosed, their Autism is not being picked up on. Then this is a very serious point. And a subtler ‘presentation’ doesn’t mean we’re not struggling. That it’s not valid. That it’s less of an issue. That we can somehow seamlessly cope with it, because ‘we don’t look it’! We’re often over-compensating. And that’s hard work! The exhaustion, harshness, loudness, brightness. We feel this. Separate. A cultural gap. Initially misinterpreted as shy. Because women are more likely, at a societal level, to be considered shy… Bollocks. Gender differences. I am of course more than a label. More. But at the same time, this label can be helpful: liberating and empowering. And autistic women shouldn’t be left out here. Leave no-one behind they say. Well mean it.”

And it’s not just ‘women and autism’ that is the issue here either. For there are the differences that exist at a cultural and ethnic level. I’m discovering this more and more as I meet different people from the spectrum here in New York; all of whom have their various backgrounds and histories. Different school systems and state support. And the discussion and musings continue.

What are your views, if any, on ‘women and autism’? I’d be happy to hear to hear from you.

NYC: A Neurodiverse Perspective

Every city is different from a neurodiverse point of view. And this can vary day-by-day, mood by mood, street by street. In this blog post, I’ll run over my observations on how I’m finding New York as a city to live in. 

From a sensory perspective, NYC, surprise surprise, is a very LOUD city. This is something I’ve noticed over and above *anything* else. Its complete and utter assault to my eardrums, are like no other.  Horns honking. The train wheels screeching. But mostly the sirens from emergency vehicles. It’s like nothing I’ve heard before and seems to defy all logic – and sound barriers for that matter. And it’s constant. Even now after a few weeks of being here, I still jump and clench within myself, as the sound jars inside me, as I wait for it to simmer down. My body feels constantly shocked.

An example of an offending emergency vehicle

Normally I’m most sensitive to lights; their intensity in brightness and anything that flashes repeatedly or in a dance or strobe-style mode. And though the lights here are bright, I’ve seen far worse in Colombia. Here they’re just of a ‘normal’ brightness, (whatever that means these days). Surprisingly. I am deliberately avoiding the central mid-town area of Manhattan where you have the likes of Times Square and ample shops (no need to put myself through that!), so at least my eyes are being spared. The smells aren’t too intense either. I used to find in Colombia and Guatemala, the smell of food would dependably be in the streets, with vendors cooking food items from scratch. The aromas taking up the air space. Or other smells like shoe polish and other such chemicals. Here, it’s more in line with the UK’s ‘smell levels’.

Downtown Manhattan. Heavily build up. Also an area I normally try to avoid!

Like many large cities, New York is intense. Super intense. It can be hard to plan your day if you need to travel and get about by public transport. Trains are often delayed. The direction and stops are not clearly labelled - and then it’s not uncommon to find a station which shares its name with another station stop. Not helpful when you find yourself at the wrong ‘version’ of the station you’re supposed to be at! This is not much fun, and you really have to accept this and learn to plan in large margins into your time for lateness.

When you’re trying to cross a road, there’s a red counter that counts down the number of seconds you have left until the cars are unleashed to continue their ride. I know it’s like this in many cities, but given the size of the road to cross, this can be immensely anxiety-provoking. It’s not just one or two lanes of traffic coming at you either – but around four or five! This can feel quite disorientating. And stressful. I just find myself waiting a lot.

6 lanes of traffic to contend with!

The countdown to cross the road begins…

The interesting thing, however, is that because there’s so much space everywhere, it doesn’t feel quite so overwhelming. Or certainly not to the extent I expected it to be. The streets here are huge; for instance the sidewalk (yes, pavement!) can often be as wide as an entire road in the UK. In this respect, it just doesn’t feel as concentrated in its overall sense of overwhelming force. Another consequence is that it doesn’t feel overly busy either. There are lots of people, sure, but you’re never really bumping into them, as there’s enough space to not have to do so. It’s a contrast to Broad Street in Reading, where you’re constantly having to avoid doing so!

So, every city is different, and New York varies a lot for me, but here’s a snapshot to give you my general impression. Until the next blog post! 😉